Sunday, May 10, 2009

Is it all too much?

Am i trying to do much with my life? This year alone, I am getting a little stressed out over the things I want to achieve before the days become dark, cold and the fairy lights, sparkle, shopping and festivities of Christmas begins once again. Stressed somedays to the point of tears...humph.

Ahhrrr..just before you read further...this blog was meant to be published last week, but alas had no time. Uncanny! Freaky! Ironic! - right words not sure, but you get my drift.

Its May already, the second end of it too. I have been skiing in France, I have been to Hull, to Derbyshire, to two hens parties, the Churchill Museum and War Rooms, the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition, the London Marathon (not participating), Copenhagen and within the next 3 weeks we have plans to go to Brighton, Vienna & Salzburg. But sadly, to me, it doesn't feel like enough. Last Saturday I wanted to go to Eltham Palace out past Greenwich but I slept till midday (stress does catch up with me occasionally and all i can do is sleep) and it takes nearly 2 hours to get there, so I was disappointed that we had only a lovely day at the Borough Markets instead.

Just an example of a week in the life of Lisa, and you let me know if you think I am doing too much and are stupid to feel that I am lazy and boring if I have a night in, or if I go to bed before 11pm.

Last Sunday - BBQ with Friends to watch the Arsenal vs Chelsea football game

Monday - Doctors appointment, Pilates class then had dinner at home with Mark and catch up on Goks Fashion fix

Tuesday - had drinks with Julie and then off to see "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" Musical

Wednesday - had a Spanish lesson at lunch and then a catch up with the girlys at the Directors bar on Southbank

Thursday - went for a run, then to the gym with Mark

Friday - had friends over to dinner, Mark cooked Risotto (Prawns, Chorizo and Asparagus) and I made poached pears in cider with Chantilly cream!!

Saturday - went to Brighton for the day with friends to see the band Kasabian in the evening

Sunday - sleep in and then late afternoon birthday lunch for lovely Sophie

And that is aside from all the boring must do stuff, like wash dishes, clothes, tidy the flat, clean the shower, sort the mail, blah blah....

It seems to me in my warped brain that I am not doing enough, what else should I be doing - am I not reading enough, blogging enough, uploading enough photos, studying enough (my photograhy books), taking enough photos, should I take up French/Dancing/skating again, going to the gym enough, running enough, spending enough time with friends, seeing enough shows/bands, getting out in London, walking around the parks enough, trying enough restaurants, or the biggie...travelling enough - after all that is why I am here. Enough, enough, enough...enough of that that word already.

At the moment I am trying to work out how I am going to get to travel to Italy this year, then Berlin and Sweden, oh and chuck Budapest in there too. I have said no to going to Paris with a friend in July, because we just cannot afford it. Mark and I have trips lined up right through the end of September, including going to Ireland and Cornwall with Dad.

We are also still trying to work out how to have a summer holiday of about 5 days in either Greece or Croatia, around June/July without it costing the Earth; as I am still paying off Mars. Oh and I am desperate to get to Egypt before I return to Australia, and if I had to choose only one holiday this year....that would be the absolute must do.

To some this may seem very self indulgent and hedonistic already, boardering on the extreme, but I still consider that at the moment I am still living the fantasy that is life in London. I am still on a massive holiday. A holiday that may end with a reality like bump in Feb 2009, but a nice bump, I hope. After all I will be back with my dear family and friends, who by then would have been mildly negleted, as how I see it, by me, for about 4 years.

In general for me this is a topic that I can go on about forever, its my bug bear, my inner demon, my main challenge. I never really know if how I feel is how other people feel, or if they do but then priorities change and they forget they wanted to be super people and do everything, or if they ever felt like that in the first place.

I don't know; I just know that I am getting to figure out more each day the things I cannot do, the things I cannot have, and wanting to do them and have them more then I ever did before. They say you only live once, so go for it and live life to the full, but sometimes it would be nice to believe, as Buddhist do, that you live hundreds of lifetimes over. Then the stress of trying to do everything in one lifetime would certainly disappear.

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